Midnight Reflections

The thing that brings life into the world is the most forbidden thing to talk about. Why?

Some of us have sex daily, every three months, or every blue moon if you’re married. Sex is art because of how creative and subjective it is. It’s what brings us the most satisfaction in life. It is its own stress reliever and tranquilizer. Why can’t we talk about it more often?

Even I haven’t spoken about it so much on this blog and I talk about everything.

If you’re a virgin, you must know what it feels like to go through the many thoughts and opinions on sex. Everybody has different perspectives on sex so let’s dive into what those are.

Many people don’t find sex a big deal and others do. A lot of people argue sex must only be done with someone you love. A lot of people only do it to satisfy their needs and frustrations.

I feel like I have always been the kind of person to see it as a big deal. Now? Not so much, but to an extent. Growing up, it was engraved into my brain that sex was a sinful soul tie if it wasn’t with the right person. You had to choose wisely not only who you had sex with but who you lost your virginity to. I always knew I wanted to leave my virginity in the hands of a trustworthy person in hopes that person would be my forever sex partner.

I thought I had done it correctly but that quickly became untrue when I found screenshots of my big sister’s cleavage from her Instagram in his recently deleted.

It took me years to accept that I wouldn’t be one and done the way I always wanted to be. I’d like to comfort other people who may be going through what I did with this.

I knew I would have sex with someone else eventually around the two year mark of my three year relationship. I did everything I could to prevent that from happening though. Life goes on and due to this experience I have unlocked a broader perspective on sex and virginity.

However, not many people see sex this way. I have friends who have had multiple sex partners and it’s meaningless to them.

I’ll aim this post towards the virgins out in the world.

Some common misconceptions about losing your virginity are:

• You feel different after you lose your virginity
• You regret it
• You feel used, sad, or disgusting afterwards
• You’re a completely different person
• You become extremely attached to that person it is almost unbearable

None of this is true.

At least not in my experience.

I’ve had lots of people come to me about sex whether it be for advice, tips, opinions or just questions about my experience and how to perform well.

In my general experience with how I felt about losing my virginity aside from it happening without my consent, was that I felt fine. After I committed the act in its entirety I didn’t feel more in love, more attached, more obsessed, used, sad, dirty, disgusting or any different. I was still the same old me. Everybody is different though. I thought I would feel those things considering how serious I took sex and virginity but I didn’t. However, I took this person’s virginity also (unless he lied about that too) and he told me he did feel more connected and in love afterwards. From what I can remember he said he felt like the intensity of our connection grew and he felt more attached to me more than ever.

I begged to differ.

Like I said though, everybody is different even if it is male or female. You’d think the girl would feel more attached afterwards but really in my experience it was the boy who felt that way. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, I did. I just didn’t feel any different. I felt I was still intact. I was still me and he was still him.

In my experience, we lost our virginities to each other and we were together for three years. I always had the fear of STD’s, the physical pain of losing your virginity, and there being changes within the relationship. I held out on him for about eight months, close to a year if we’re being technical, because of these fears. He was pretty patient, I’d say. I personally don’t feel as though it caused so much stir in our relationship. We were kids exploring so I think what we went through together in the process of learning was normal.

I will say, in my experience, I am glad I did it with someone I felt comfortable with at the time. I didn’t feel judged or pressured even if I was. When something embarrassing happened I felt pretty secure even though I see now as an adult I wasn’t safe with him. What matters is that at the time I ‘knew’ I was safe and okay. I would recommend losing your virginity to someone you trust if it truly matters to you. If it doesn’t, I will slap you on the wrist and wish for you to just be safe and use protection.

Always. Use. Protection.

I don’t care if you want to try it, you trust them, you’ve been with them for a while, you can’t afford condoms or you’re too in the moment. Always use protection.

However, if you are a virgin going through the fear of losing your virginity, I am here to help. Whether it be with someone you’re dating for a while now like me or something you just want to do in order to feel satisfied, I got you.

Here are some things you should know about losing your virginity that I wish I knew:

For girls:

• Yes, it hurts. The pain goes away though. Take it easy.
• Tell him to go slow and if he is well endowed, make sure he takes his time going little by little
• It is normal to do silly things out of your control like queefing. Don’t be embarrassed.
• In some cases a little bit of blood is normal however if it is excessive you must speak up
• If it hurts, speak up

For boys:

• Tell her you love her
• Go slow even if it feels good, control yourself
• Kiss her on the lips or forehead
• Speak. Ask her things like: ‘Is this okay?’, ‘Does it hurt?’ , ‘Do you want me to stop?’
• Ask her if she is okay don’t just tell her she is okay. You don’t know hwat it feels like
• It is normal to feel nervous, worry not so much about performance but about emotional sanctuary

There is so much more advice I could provide that nobody ever talks about but this blog is meant to have multiple chapters. I always go over topics more than once. To my dear virgin friends, do not fret. The fear washes over.

I wish you guys the best of luck in your journey to joining the non-virgin club. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

-A