Midnight Reflections

When Thursday comes around, I’ll know if my eye disease has progressed within the past six months. I’ve written a couple of times on my blog about how this condition makes me feel. I’ve started adjusting to the fact that this is my life now.

Forever.

No cure means forever. 

It still sucks. 

I still don’t know how to properly tell somebody that I have an eye disease. There are moments when I don’t catch something and I stand there looking like a dumbass. It’s not that I’m a dumbass, I’m just visionally impaired. I guess you could say I am disabled. 

It is such a weird reality. You go your whole life thinking you see things the same way other people do but really you’re the anomaly.

I’m scared. I don’t want to be blind. I don’t want to stop seeing the blue in everything. I want to see the expansion of my beautiful family when I’m 60.

I know I’ll be okay. My mother lectures me in staying strong. She tells me I shouldn’t bum myself out over something that could possibly be curable someday. I am afraid there is nothing I can do to stop the process of total blindness.

She is right though. I shouldn’t bum myself out. I need to be positive and if there is one thing I have learned it is to be exactly that. Positive. I know I am strong. I have love and support. In spite of it all though, I can’t help but feel an ounce of fear.

Thursday hasn’t come just yet so I have time. Time is what I need. Time is on my side. And soon enough when Thursday comes around, I’ll be even stronger.

-A