Midnight Reflections

I overcame my fears of planes and I can honestly say it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I don’t know what worried me so much. I write this as i’m on the plane back home, but the plane isn’t what’s really on my mind right now.

The plane is warm and I was assured it’d be cold. I feel guilty feeling warm when the warmest I have ever felt is in the arms of my lover.

I miss my boyfriend. I miss driving around the city with him, going to restaurants, eating cake, going to the beach, carving pumpkins, petting goats, feeding horses, watching Sex and the City, walking around parks, going to the mall, kissing on sidewalks, and feeling like I was home. 

I miss laughing with him and feeling old every time one of us said, ‘remember in high school when.’

I feel like such a girly girl with a school crush. I’m so happy, and I had so much fun so I shouldn’t be feeling so sad. I’ve had to say goodbye to him many times already, so why does this time feel like my soul has been disintegrated? I don’t think love has ever touched my heart so delicately. I’m normally very calm, collected, and silent when it’s time to say goodbye. I just can’t help it. I can’t help but feel like I should be sitting on a bathroom floor with my head in my hands. 

Experiencing something new and feeling refreshed by the memories made, I feel so grateful to have found someone who could get me out of my stubborn shell. But as I write this, it feels like I left my heart at the entry way of his heart. 

I have to stomach the memories, relive the photos, and bless my ears with the videos of his voice. I stare at ceilings when I try to avoid the many thoughts surrounding my mind, but I don’t like staring at ceilings when my view used to be honey brown eyes. For now, i’ll keep this story short until I am ready to write about every beautiful memory made. 

Take this is a sign that any fear is easy to get rid of when you’re in love. A plane ride is worth the pressure of a tender kiss. As my father says, ‘love stops at nothing.’

– A